


To Win with Destiny

by ShiHeTsu



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Captivity, Change of Destiny, Character Death, Human Experimentation, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Loneliness, Love/Hate, M/M, Murderer, Nudity, One Shot, Punishment, Time Travel, ghost - Freeform, haunting past, outcast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-28 01:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12595324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiHeTsu/pseuds/ShiHeTsu
Summary: With a label "Murderer" Shizuo was haunted in his dreams and in reality by the person he had killed. But what if he could change it? Is it worth it? For someone who tried to get under his skin for most of his life.Don't worry Kishitani Shingen will help you!*For Edainwen to satisfy inner Erika :) And trauma after final fight :D





	To Win with Destiny

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Edainwen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edainwen/gifts).



Monster. By every person in this town – in his own town Ikebukuro- labeled as a monster. The letter that had been crashed in his own hand two years ago was still laying under his own bed among fluffy clouds of dust. He hadn't touch it just because he tried to forget about it. But the black letters on white sheet of paper in a letter from Tsukumoya Shinichi was the first thing he could remember every morning after he woke up. It claimed the same thing what everyone was thinking.

 

“ _Shizuo-san,_

_That's the first and last time you'd hear from me._

_It was really entertaining to see you two fighting like children. And Orihar'kun's constant complaining about you being a monster. Congratulations Shizuo-san. You finally became the monster Orihara-kun has said you were. And as due to his last wish I deleted every evidence of your crime. Hope you'll live a long life._

_Yours Tsukumoya Shinichi”_

 

Shizuo wasn't sure who was this guy but he knew that he was no one good. He hadn't done a favor for Shizuo. On the contrary. Without the punishment for his crime he could feel the guilt slowly eating up his own soul. He could see the judgment in citizens eyes. He could hear whispers every time he passed the streets of the city that used to be his. He had been a protector of Ikebukuro- he had seen himself as one. As a person with a strength to stop everyone who tried to harm people living in it. To defend it against people like Orihara Izaya. And the said man had become a sacrifice for that proclaim. Vorona has been late by mere minute to stop him from being a murderer.

 

“ _Now you're like me, Shizuo-senpai...”_

 

Day by day we woke up with a grotesque corpses looking at him with empty rusty eyes that bled leaving trails similar to those left by tears with chest flat and bent almost still carrying the weight of a vending machine. With arm fractured in few places outstretch in his way almost in a gesture of seeking help. Raspy breathing was piercing the silence of debt collector's dark bedroom. Izaya made his own punishment for the death the blond caused him. The nightmares and the hatred of every man and woman in the city he was casted away from. Almost like a final reply to Shizuo's “ _Get out of my city_!”

 

“ _You too, Shizu-chan~!”_

 

What he would do to fix everything... He was sleeping with a ghost that he killed himself.

 

Sometimes the scenes in his dreams were filled with memories of their drunk first sex (not that they were in regular commitment- just happened few times in years for in the heat of the moment with no sweet heart confessions) back at high school only to change to the Lilith, pale, smooth body to this pile of flesh and sticking bones. Or in the middle of him running his own hands down the perfect skin to find a rib piercing the white skin. _God, let him remake his mistakes..._

 

*

 

_Shizuo was laying on his own bed. The struggle under his own bed sheets woke him up. The sheets on top of his chest lifted to show a smirking face with dark hair falling on the side of the forehead. After the face he could see hands slowly making their way up his own front passing his ribs, pectorals and finally finishing their trip on his shoulders. The black-haired man lifted himself Andy to have a better look at Shizuo's frowning face. The bloody tears slide from corners of those captive eyes. He moved his face closer to Shizuo grinning the whole time._

 

“ _I miss our fights, Shizu-chan~!” Izaya gruffed and took the long breath intake with a strain for his lungs. 'Play with me...”_

 

*

 

“There is a way!” the shout could be heard from the corridor.

 

Shizuo looked up from the sofa in Shinra's and Celty's living-room. Overtime Shizuo was in their place it was only him and Celty with Shinra out of the apartment. Even if Kishitani himself never claimed to be close to Izaya Shizuo knew that they were as close as best-friends to each other even without saying that. Shinra was the only person that knew Izaya well enough to see past his bravura demand or and other way around. It was Shinra that could call Izaya's bullshit and still be alive with it. That night in downtown Ikebukuro Shinra had seen Shizuo standing above Orihara's crushed body breathing like a beast he is. His face was surprised standing close enough to see the whole scene with Celty at his side helping him to keep on his legs. From under the vending machine he had recognized the scraps of Izaya's fur trimmed coat even stained by the pool of blood under the body. He had asked Celty to take him from there with voice so empty that woke Shizuo up from his rage to realize what had he done.

 

Shinra's father run from behind the corner from the corridor in a red pajamas with yellow four petal flowers with his mask still on his face and white fluffy band to get hair from his.... mask. He run to Shizuo and his daughter-in-law still sitting on the coach and grabbed bond's hands almost shoving them to his own chest. He was kneeling theatrically in front of the sofa.

 

“I can do it!” he said happily.

 

“ _Time-traveling is impossible_ ” Celty wrote hurriedly on her PDA.

 

“Why, my dear Celty-kun, nobody said it is impossible. Impossible is to survive it!” Shingen said without blind of an eye. “But this man here shouldn't be able to survive lots of things! Oh don't worry I do have my own people to tell me some juicy gossips” he let Shizuo's hands and raised his own with a forefinger trying to make a pint. “And as a responsible father I need to know with whom my own son is friends.”

 

“What do you mean?” Shizuo asked curiously.

 

“When you'll have your own children...”

 

“Not that, you fucking geezer!” Shizuo shouted loosing his temper in instant. “About me getting back to that day!”

 

“Ah!” he jumped back on his feet outstretching his arms on the sides. “Einstein said that the time itself is a forth detention. You have length, width and height but he said the time is a forth and it moves forward. The time can slow down or speeds up with a certain speed” he saw bored look on Shizuo's face accompany by the vein on his temple that was pulsing dangerously. “Not the brightest crayon in the box, I can see?”

 

“What the fuck do you mean!” Shizuo growled baring his teeth.

 

“Nothing, nothing, Shizuo-kun!” the older man started to wave his hands in front of him dissmisivle. “ To put it simple. We need to send you with a speed that would cut through time.”

 

“Like a plane speed?” he asked more calmly thinking that he grasped the idea.

 

"Yes! Exactly! Something like that!” he clapped his hands.

 

Celty that tried to jump into conversation that whole time finally shoved her PDA in Shingen's face getting up from the sofa only to turn to Shizuo to show the same message.

 

“ _That is ridiculous! Don't believe him!_ ” the black letters were screaming. “ _Stop trying to use my friend as one of Guinea pigs!_ ” the text changed to once again be shown to them.

 

“Celty-kuuuun~! I'm merely helping a friend of my son and daughter-in-law” he said placing his hand on his heart in a gesture of being deeply hurt.

 

“ _Don't believe him, Shizuo!_ ” she showed the blond a message.

 

Heiwajima nodded and lower his head. He gripped the material on his dress pants and thought about those two years. It was not about Izaya being missed from his life but for people that surrounded him. Shinra was not talking with him and avoided at any cost. Even with a shot wound from one of the frightened clients who fired at the mere sight of him standing in his door. Nothing- “ _Celty, you can tell him that hospitals are open 24/7._ ” His own brother that could meet him only in secret in case if they would be seen together. “ _Brother is not that I'm ashamed of you. It's just... you lost your way, that's all._ ” But still acting was something that his brother loved to do- the way to find himself in. Vorona leaving day after the incident and Tom-senpai asking him to stay father away to not be seen and interfere only if he would hear a fight inside. People avoiding him at least few meters with bigger gap between them than ever. Even making groceries in markets with self-sevice cash register. And silence- whole consuming silence most of the day. Maybe he did miss the annoying flea. Even he could be better than the loneliness that surrounded him. Some of his assholes remarks even funny after the years.

 

He focused on his laps with hands in a tight grip on the material of his pants. He sighed and looked up at the back of seats in the next row in a front. On his side in the seat next to him was Kishitani Shingen. After him was his wife Emily and then the next row and next row of seats in the plane that was destine to take them to Switzerland.

 

*

 

They arrived fourteen hours later. The flight in economy class didn't do a favor for Shizuo's long legs with his knees squeezed into a plastic of the seat in front of him. He was tired and frustrated and with that was not a good combination in his case. Without waiting for a chauffeur to get out from a car that has arrived to pick them up he walked to it and ripped of the handle by accident. He could hear cackling of Shinra's father and Emily's concern hum. They arrived to the hotel in Geneva only to make their separate ways to get to their own rooms. Shizuo got his own for himself only. His first steps were to the phone sitting on the night stand. He called the reception to bring him a milk. And not even five minutes later there was a woman with a trolley and on top of it there was silver plate with a big cover on it. The woman walked in after being invited and took the silver cap off only to show him one glass of white liquid. He grabbed it and with a frown he glared at the glass then at the young woman in uniform. Apparently in English “milk” provided you only with this shit. He placed the glass back on a tray with a smash so he spilled the contains and shouted “BOX!” making her shudder. She tried to cover the plate but in the last second he took the glass and once again shout the same thing. She left and few minutes someone else showed at his door with the whole carton in his hands and annoyance written on his face. Shizuo mumbled his thanks and shut the door in front of the fellows face. Okay... maybe his English was not good enough to communicate with others and few words not good to describe what he wanted. _He needs a shower..._

 

He took of his shirt throwing it on the back of the couch and walked to the bathroom grabbing the milk on his way. He opened the lid taking few sips an placing on the counter to get off his pants and underwear. He turned the water to the temperature he like and with a carton of milk in hand he steps inside. He was standing with his back to the stream to get rid of a tension only to drink milk from time to time. He let his hand with a carton to fall and turned front to the shower. He let his head down for the water to pour at the nap of his neck. He could feel the water run down his arm so he lifted the carton to drink the rest of the liquid. He really tried to not think. But he really could feel cool hands making their way from his back to his front only roam across his chest. And this familiar chuckle somewhere near his left shoulder blade. _God, he was loosing his mind..._

 

“You wouldn't be afraid of me even now, would you Izaya?” he whispered into tiles.

 

“ _Let's play, Shizu-chan~!_ ” he could swear he heard in the hiss of the water.

 

*

 

“Large Hadron Collider specifies in...”

 

“I don't fucking care!” Shizuo interrupted the man in a white lab coat.

 

The man was standing in front of, what looked to Shizuo, big silver pipe with lots of wires attached to it and even more people in white coats with masks on their noses and mouth checking the machine here and there. The professor that called himself Schmidt and was using Japanese with a wired way to pronounce some words fixed his glasses on top of his nose with middle finger. His chestnut hair was slowly graying on his temples and the beard was unkempt. Still, to Shizuo he looked as someone capable to be called a scientist- well not like crazy-assed Shinra's father who was standing with them.

 

“Well...” Schmidt started. “I think it would not matter to you. The probability of you surviving it is so low that we cannot even talk in percents.”

 

“You understanimete this man!” Shingen said with enthusiasm.

 

“Kishitani” the professor turned to the masked man. “You know we do you a favor. This whole thing is not even official. Not with a human involved” he looked at the blond and Shizuo shuddered- no one in a long time called him that.

 

“Well there will be no evidence so there's no worry about it, isn't there?” Shingen shrugged his shoulder unfazed.

 

“No evidence?" Shizuo asked didn't like the way it sounded.

 

“He hasn't explained it to you” the man more stated than asked. “We don't know outcome of it nor if the whole experiment was a success” he crossed his arms stretching the white material of the lab coat that rusted against the sweater underneath. “It's one-way ticket. We will put you in a capsule that would try to maintain the same gravity inside even with the speed you would be going around the circle and after gaining enough speed we will let the pressure inside off so for the last few seconds before the jump your body will be at the same state required to pass the speed of light. For few seconds you would be moving with the speed of 299,792 km per second. For us it would be only seconds. For you... Hell long seconds if you ask me...” he murmured at the end.

 

“So... so what will happen with me?” Shizuo asked still not getting anything beside the number of speed.

 

“To put it simple- you will stop existing in this world” the professor stated matter of factly.

 

“You fucking tricked me!” Shizuo shouted and grabbed Shingen's coat.

 

“Jaaa~ Shizuo-kun!” the tutted with hands raised in deaf it. “Just because we don't know what would happen to you doesn't mean it's not working! The last experiment just vanished! There was no evidence of her dying there” he started wiggling in a strong grip exited. “She was just not there! Isn't that exciting?!”

 

“We still need to calculate the time you want to jump to” the professor said placing his own hand on Shizuo's raised arm. “It will take a time. But that's good. We must make some tests on you before that.”

 

“Huh?!” Shizuo shouted. “Tests?!'

 

“We cannot let you go without measuring you high and weight or blood pressure.”

 

Shingen slipped from his hold using the distraction. Shizuo's hands fall with him somewhere deep in his head. Why the hell he even sighed himself for that? To get his life back... Yeah, as shitty as it had used to be that's quite a good reason. And with that he nodded. His gut was telling him that the whole trip was not meaningless. And with that he was taken to the laboratory. Simple “measurements” was not the thing he imagined and lasted for days. The were checking simple stuff like eyesight, blood pressure or wight but also his tolerance for the pain or his strength. He was sure that the last part was more to Shingen's amusement rather crucial information gathered for his jump. But at this point Shizuo didn't care. There was nothing for him outside of this underground lab. For this world he was only a monster.

 

They were pumping every known drug into his body to see his body's reaction to them. One of them was particularly nasty making him relive the moment when he lost his humanity on the busy crossing in Ikebukuro. With the regrets in his head and the scene in front of his eyes he was trashing in the bindings finally realizing himself from them and causing chaos and destruction on his way.

 

The whole stay in the facility felt like weeks or maybe it were weeks of him being there. On one of those experiments he was siting in the chair that at first reminded him of those seats for criminals sentenced for death by electrocuting with stripes for legs and arms only replaced by chains. He was bend forward exhausted after one of the experiments and sedated by another portion of drugs. He could feel the cool of plastic put on the side of his face only to remember Shingen's voice saying that he had call.

 

“ _Shizuo-kun? Shizuo-kun!_ ” the blond recognize Shinra's voice calling him from the other side of the cell-phone.

 

“Shin... Shi...” his voice didn't want to walk with him.

 

“ _Shizuo-kun, listen carefully_ ” the younger Kishitani's voice was serious and Heiwajima could recall only few occasions he heard it in that way. “ _You need to stop this madness! Celty and Kasuka-kun are worried sick! You cannot let my father experiment on you!_ ”

 

“Jealous...?” Shizuo whispered with his scratchy throat and chuckled.

 

“ _It's not that, you idiot! I.... I cannot lose you too_ ” he said and Shizuo could swear he could hear the other man's voice tearing up.

 

“It's okay, Shinra” Shizuo looked up staring at the handsome face with rusty eyes with dark hair falling at one side of it grinning in this sick way barely centimeters from his own. “We're going to be fine.”

 

“ _Shizuo-kun_...” Shinra couldn't find words to reason with the man.

 

“Say “Hi” to Celty from me. It was good to finally hear you” he said finally and his head fell down.

 

*

 

Shizuo was dazed. They sat him down, almost laying, in a metal seat in some small cramped place. He could also see that he's completely naked with the stripes on his arms, legs and across his chest. He grows indifferent to things they were doing to him. Faces barely recognizable to him after a time. Same as the reason why he was doing that. He could say that he was feeling like dying. It was worse. He was just existing. Memories, dreams and hallucinations didn't make difference to him anymore. The anger that was consuming him for his whole life vanished leaving a whole somewhere in his chest- almost like he burned out completely. Just hollow. And the face that was haunting him for half of his life always somewhere on his sight. _Like now.._.

 

In his half laying position he could see his laps full of black haired man curled on them with arms around Shizuo's neck. His pale skin perfectly smooth as he remembered. Or maybe dreamed. He was not sure anymore. The smirked on the handsome face dropped off in the same second when the whole place shook one time- almost like the plane starting after a long hold on the runway. He could feel Izaya moved one of his hands to comb his blond hair with his long fingers. His smile fond if not a bit sad. Shizuo could remember that smile. That one time. Few days before they had fought that last time. In the darkness of debt-collector's small apartment in narrow bed. And seconds later it was replaced once again by the crooked curve on his lips, cruel remark and hasty leave.

 

“I'm going to die, am I? Izaya?” Shizuo asked with blank voice.

 

Izaya placed a finger on Shizuo's lips to silence him. With only low hum around them he moved his hand to place on the side of Shizuo's face thumbing his chick. He placed his forehead on blond fringe and closed his eyes. Shizuo's gaze was undisturbed, even by proximity, he was still staring at others face. _He's not here... He was not here!_ Izaya died and it was because of him. He killed him. And that was the thing he wanted to fix the most.

 

“ _It will hurt only for a moment_ ” Izaya whispered quietly but in the closed space it was loud enough for Shizuo to hear it perfectly clear. “ _Only for a moment. You don't need to be afraid, Shizu-chan._ ”

 

Shizuo's skin started to tingle and then sting. He could hear his own heart beat in his ears. He didn't remember to eat in past hours but he could feel his stomach crunch itself. The pressure on his windpipe was making him to swallow every few seconds. He once again said Izaya's name but the voice was stuck in his throat. Even without that Izaya reacted to his call and hugged his neck burying his face in the side of blond's neck. Shizuo saw black hair at side of his vision and unbearable whiteness surrounding them. He moved his head to bury his nose in feather hair taking a deep breath only to not smell nothing familiar. The surrounding humming got louder.

 

And then after finally he has found his peace the skin started to hurt almost as if someone was peeling it from him. His face was burning and with the pain he closed his eyes. He tried to stop a scream in his throat but the sensation only increased. It was everywhere and everything. Knives, pins, burning oil, gun shoots, broken bones. Legs, hips, arms, chest, head. He was screaming at top of his lungs and the hold on his neck tightened only intensify the pain in there. He was dying. He knew. Was it the same for Izaya before the vending machine crashed his bones and insides?

 

He wanted for it to stop.

 

“ _Just let it go, Shizuo..._ ” he could hear Izaya's whisper in his own head.

 

And it stopped...

 

*

 

The flash on his side picked Izaya's attention and because of that he missed the punch coming his way. The force throw him meters away. Shizuo hasn't seen informant getting up more focused on the red vending machine that he picked up.

 

_Red vending machine...?_

 

He just picked it up. And made his way to Izaya. He could feel his whole body was stinging from slashes on his body. It reminded him about something. _Wait!_ Shizuo stopped staring at Izaya's faced with blood smeared on sides of his lips and one on his chick oozing with blood. There was something. He needed to remember why he needed to wait. There wasn't nothing difficult in raising the heavy thing and throw it at the man that caused him so much pain. But he needed to think. _Give him a moment! There was a reason!_

 

“Just do it...” the words surprised the blond. _No! He's not going to do that! He shouldn't!_ “You monster...” Izaya choked on his words.

 

Shizuo was staring at the metal dart at Izaya's side. _No no nonono... He cannot die. Not again!_ Both of them turned to the blond woman that throw away one weapon to change for another one. With a gun in her hand she was aiming at the informant. He knew her. Even if it felt like years- he knew her.

 

“Vorona?”

 

And just like that even when he asked he was standing there petrified. With his own weapon of choice in hand. She claimed that he was human. That he shouldn't be a beast. _Oh_... Everything was clear to him. Faces of people around looking down on him. Blank stare from the man standing not that far from him- alive and breathing. He put down the vending machine. He tried to talk Vorona out of it. But the time was crucial for Izaya's state. He fell on his knees bleeding out on the streets of the city he tried to challenge. And Shizuo could see the conscious slipping from Izaya's hands. He needed to take him to Shinra. To stop the bleeding. He was about to move in Izaya's direction and take him from Vorona's way but the flash blinded him. It was too fast. Everything was too fast. Next moment the only evidence of Orihara being among them was a pool of blood in the place he was standing.

 

Not long after their fight Shizuo was sure to hear from Orihara form him to gloat in another encounter where Shizuo hasn't been able to end him. But at the end nothing change. Two years passed and people were sure that Orihara Izaya, the info-broker from Shinjuku died after that event. Even if not by Shizuo's hands. The guilt was not that while consuming. So Izaya was destine to die any other way. There was no rescue for him. From his own “first time” after Vorona confronted him about that night her “help” suppose to be exactly that. Finish Izaya off herself. In the other time or this after their talk she vanished leaving him and Tom-senpai as they had used to be- only two of them at work.

 

With time Shizuo could remember more things from his other life. And appreciate more things that he had thought were lost to him. And he compared two years in another universe to the one he was currently in. Even with the same span of time he knew that the suffering he had gone through in the labs of LHC paid off. It was way harder to “fucking piss him off”. He was using his strength considering outcome of it. No one could throw him off balance like Izaya used to. And in memory to that man he was stepping off from every fight or challenge thrown his way.

 

Sometimes the events from there were waking him up in the middle of night with hammering heart and heavy breath. The haunting face of Izaya accompanying him in those moments was imprinted on his eyelids even minutes after he regained conscious. Shizuo didn't gain everything he had tried to achieve with accepting Shingen's help but his current life was enough. And only a shadow of sadness and deep melancholy was surrounding black-haired man. He still could recall the moment of the person he thought he hated the most in his last moments in that universe. Even if it was only in his head he tried to believe that Izaya stripped from his occupation and hunger for power that consumed him after years of being an informant would do exactly the same thing. Like that one time- the last time- when he smiled at him probably knowing what Shizuo would do to him if his own plan would fail.

 

Sitting on the bench in one of the parks Shizuo was smoking his last cigarette from the pack. His phone rang making him to pull it out from the pocket with a sigh. He checked the ID and seeing Shinra's smiling face (picture send by the underground doctor himself to set in Shizuo's new phone) he answered with a small smile.

 

“Yo...” as simple and short as always.

 

“ _Shizuo-kun! On your way to our place could you buy some tomatoes?_ ” he said happily. “ _My lovely Celty wanted to put so much love into her dinner that by accident she burned them on a grill_ ” he said dreamily. “ _I wish for her love to consume me and burn me whole as those tomatoes!_ ” he complained childishly. “ _The mere though of her touching them while she washed their skin... Ahh... She could...OH! No! I just got jealouse of them! I promise it wasn't me! The grill just raised the temperature itself! No! Auch... Celty please!..._ ”

 

The signal was lost and few beeps could be heard from a speaker. Shizuo looked confused at the device and with a sigh he lat it down to lay on the seat beside him. He took a drag of the smoke into his lungs and slowly let it out. The familiar ring tone could be heard one more time and without looking he picked it up.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. Fucking tomatoes. Something else?” he said imitated taking one more hit.

 

“ _Are you making a romantic dinner? Should I be jealouse?_ ” the voice on other side laughed. “ _Ne~?_ _ **Shi-zu-chan~?**_ ”

 

The cigarette in his finger snapped in half in a habit after hearing this smug bastard. He sat up from the bench and throw the remaining of his smoke on the gravel. The grip on the phone tightened and his face frowned. He took of his tinted glasses in a heat of moment as if removing them would help him see through locating the way from the call came.

 

“Izaya” he said with a growl and sadistic grin- just the way he remembers from years back.

 

“ _Turn to your left_...” and the line was dead.

 

With hearing the same beeping but with phone still to his ear he turned his head. At the end of an alley there was a shadow. Quite short for a man he used to know almost in a siting position. Not clear enough due to the lamp on the side of gravel path behind the person in there only illuminating their back with a shape of a curled body.

 

But alive nonetheless.

 


End file.
